Today was a good day. Today was a hard day. Today was Mother’s Day.

Today started with a wonderful brunch, followed by our annual visit to the Minneapolis Sculpture Garden. As I described in my previous blog post, we created this tradition a few years ago. We walk around, admire the art, and my husband takes photos.

Mother’s Day 2011

With Oscar’s cheerful commentary and laughter, it wasn’t hard to smile for the photos. But inside, I felt sad. I wanted Julian with us in person, not just in spirit.

Julian always hated getting his photo taken, and was always a troublemaker on days like this. I’d give anything to have had him making trouble today, but I’m thankful for this memory of him. Remembering how he squirmed and refused to smile also means remembering his personality, not just his face. He was sweet and opinionated and clever. He loved tortellini, action figures, and the color red. He loved his Mommy. Those are the things I will  remember on Mother’s Days of the future.

I felt Julian with us today, in his own way. In his “new normal” way.  Whenever I look at this portrait, I will feel that feeling and know that both of my boys were with me that day. And it will remind me of everything it means to be a mother: happy and sad things, physical and non-physical things, easy and hard things. I’m grateful for all of it.

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